water water water

*vlad sees shvad watering the lawn*

vlad: STOP! IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE! PUT DOWN THAT HOSE!
shvad: vat are you talking about? Did you take your medication today?
vlad: didn't you hear about the new law? Since we live on 1 Stupid Ave, we're only allowed to water on even days!
shvad: ...*raises index finger* first of all, 1 is an ODD number, and secondly, we live on TWO Stupid Ave, Martha Stewart lives on 1 Stupid Ave. Third of all, you are not the police, and this is YOUR house! Do you WANT to get sent to jail? And where'd you hear about that anyway?
vlad: *shrugs* Newspaper
shvad: YOU CAN READ?! GOLLY MISS MOLLY!
vlad: uh...in case you've forgotten, Stupid Ave gets newspapers in audio form. *thumbs up* And of course I can read! Your hose says "most reliable hose in the world!"**
shvad: *rolls eyes* ..mhm. * continues to water lawn* Go do something...productive. Like, clipping your toenails ...they're getting pretty long.
vlad: ....but they're only five inches long! Yours are like...six!
shvad: I applied for a toe-clipping permit last year, it should arrive ANY day now.... *mutters about the slowness of those goddamn permit people*
vlad: well IIII plan on growing them! YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND ME! MY TOENAILS LOVE ME!

*runs away*

shvad: k.... just... pretend that didn't happen. *continues watering lawn*

*police shows up!*

vlad: STOP! IN THE NAME OF JUSTICE! AND ALL THAT IS GOOD AND TASTY! PUT DOWN THAT HOSE!
shvad: *without turning around* we had this discussion FIVE MINUTES AGO! vlad, go do something --- *turns around* whaaa? You got accepted? into the police force? and i STILL don't have my toe-nail permit?! what has this world come to??!!
vlad:*smiles smugly* hehe, i'm here to arrest all the residents of 2 Stupid Ave for illegal watering!
shvad: vlad... you live here.
vlad: ... mmm....and so do you, so what's your point?
shvad: i'll let you think about it. *continues watering lawn*

*twenty minutes later*

*sitting in a jail cell*

vlad: ...what are you in for Mac?
Mac: ... iunno, ask PC, he has a spreadsheet. I just take photos! with my built in webcam! *thumbs up*
PC: *sigh* let me calculate how much time you wasted. *punches in numbers* five......
...
..
..
YEARS.
Mac: what are YOU in for?
Vlad: oh, I arrested myself for illegal watering. *shrugs* 4 years.... i'll be out in no time.

*Mac and PC stares in shock, and burst out laughing*

Mac: this calls for a .... PHOTO! *thumbs up*
PC: alright, I'm pulling that thing out of your system. *grabs Mac's forehead, and pulls... hard*
Mac: *cries and sulks* now how am I supposed to take photos! My existence is redundant! My life is over! .... does anybody have a razor?
Vlad: no sharp objects/weapons in the cell. *thumbs up*
.

*winks*




**actually, the hose says "guaranteed to water your lawn".